Since I was very young, I have always been a very private person. Being a kid of the ’80s, I was taught to only speak when spoken to, and striking up a conversation with someone I didn’t know caused much anxiety and prevented me from developing the skills needed for finding my voice. What do I say? What should I talk about? Will they like me? Needless to say, this made making new friends a bit tough.
My first day of Freshman year in high school caused many tears, as it seemed like everyone in my class already knew each other, while I found myself alone, without a single friendly face in site. By the end of High School, I had acquired a very small, yet close-knit group of friends. Our lives have all gone in different directions, marriages, kids, careers, yet we can still talk like not much has changed.
My quietness has remained through most of my adult life. Starting new jobs, in search of just that one friendly face to eat lunch with. But no matter how many jobs I’ve held, I have always been perceived as a loner, and no matter how badly I wanted to be part of a group. Never invited to after-work get-togethers, or invited to eat lunch with the workplace “clicks”.
Then something changed. Being diagnosed with Stage 3A Triple Positive Breast Cancer changed my approach to life. I found myself no longer caring what others thought of me, and for the first time in my life, carrying on a conversation with a stranger in the checkout line actually came easy for me. Yet, parts of that private person still remained.
Having been a blogger off and on, I made the decision to share my Cancer journey publicly with anyone I met, both online and off. Diagnosis alone is a very scary thing, so you turn to the internet as a means to find hope and comfort with the life threatening illness you are about to battle.
I knew I wanted to share my journey with the world, both the good and the bad, but I still struggled with finding my voice. What else do I talk about besides cancer? How do I fit my health and wellness struggles in with my cancer diagnosis. Before I knew it, my personal lifestyle blog started to turn into a salesy page, which went against my entire focus for my site.
My goal was to share with my followers how products I have personally used have helped me heal from all the Chemotherapy treatments, Radiation, and surgeries that I have gone through to kick this horrible disease into remission. But the more I looked at my content, the more I realized that I was focusing so hard on “trying to make the sale” that finding my voice got lost in translation. I was turning my site into what I thought my readers wanted, instead of being my own authentic self.
If you have been following my page, in the past few weeks you may have noticed that my site has gone through a naming change. While it took me a while to find my voice and my focus, the proper name for my site, Surviving Cancer, came to me when this site was the last thing on my mind.
While some tweaking still needs to be made, I have finally found my voice, and plan to do my best to only be my truly authentic self moving forward.